Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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