I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
