i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
