Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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