I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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