just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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