You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
