i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
