How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize