There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize