I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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