WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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