Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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