I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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