I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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