she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
