HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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