if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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