We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
