My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize