i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
