I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
