you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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