He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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