I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize