Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
