Are we in a gay sports bar?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
