walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
