Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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