I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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