Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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