sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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