Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
