Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
