it hurts more in the daytime
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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