I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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