eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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