i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
