There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize