My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
