so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
