A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
