i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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