I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
