I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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