You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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