Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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