I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
