Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize