saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
