I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
