I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
