if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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