i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
