it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
