I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize