I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
