Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
