Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
