Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
