We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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