Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
