your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The best revenge is premature balding
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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