my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
