She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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