Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
