I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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