i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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