now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
