I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They are going to name an STD after you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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