Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
