New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
