I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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